You'll soon see

As I lay here next to you after on of our, or should I say MY, annoying late night talks I can’t help but think WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?! As surprising as it may (or may not) sound I’m not confused about why I keep coming back to you and why I know what’s happening but can’t stop asking questions.. I honestly want to know what’s wrong with ME. Why does she get everything I asked for, that I changed myself for, that I worked for, that I EARNED. She just walks right up and gets it all from day one. She doesnt deserve what I do yet I’m less than I ever was to you.
I have this repetitive dream where you ask for me back, you tell me you miss me and apologize so sincerely. Just as I’m finishing packing my car and hitting “send” on the mass email I just sent to my whole family and all my friends about how Idc what anyone has to say, you’re the only one I want and I don’t care if I’m disowned I only want you for the rest of my life, you call and say its all just a joke and you laugh as I break down. Once a week, when I finally can fall asleep without thinking about you and her and how perfect you are to her, that’s what I wake up too. Every single time it’s hurts just as bad. I know we fought but all the things we fought about were insanely new to me and aren’t an issue anymore. I told you I needed time and you promised I could have it and you didn’t even wait to see the outcome. Now here I am, just the way you’ve molded and shaped me to be, and you want nothing to do with me. I know this is pathetic and sad and lame but I’m in love with you. Im afraid because if all of this can’t stop me then I don’t know what will. I’m not here for sex, I never was. I really hope you know that, I just wanted to buy myself a little time with you, to get even an ounce of your affection and your humor and your personality and your YOU. I hate that I’m in love with you and I wish I weren’t, it’d be so much easier. Even if I am nothing but your back up rag doll I don’t want this to end. Even if it’s another empty promise, tell me you miss me. Tell me you’re sorry dear God how many times have I prayed and begged to be granted with a simple apology. I can’t ask you for one though. That defeats the whole purpose. I want you to have something inside of you that says “you know what, I’m an ass. And even though I don’t want to get back with Chelsea it’d probably be really great of me to apologize, besides, she knows we won’t work but that doesn’t mean I should t apologize.”